How did I get here?
Do you ever stop and think to yourself, ‘How did I end up here’? Today, as I reflect on a weekend spent teaching an online course on meditation to my dedicated students from Germany, I began to reflect on the circuitous route that had brought me to the path of Yoga. How did I get from school, to the world of research science, to the theatre, and from there to Yoga. Looked at from the outside, it might seem to be a rather incongruous route, but for me, it has its own logic, one which I will try to unravel briefly here!
The Sensible Choice
When I left school, I had two loves: one was science, the other acting. Of course, back then, (we are talking a long time ago!) my suggestion that I would like to become an actor was greeted with equal measures of horror and disdain by my school career guidance teacher. The result was that I decided on a degree in Genetics, which I was quite happy to do. It was a very interesting time back then, as the field of Molecular Biology was just opening up and it seemed that our understanding of what makes humans tick at a genetic level was just around the corner. Now, it is amazing to look back at everything that has been achieved in the last 35 years, since I hung up my white coat!
Taking the plunge
As things turned out, my own contribution to the wealth of scientific knowledge was to be minimal, as after only three years of post-graduate research, the realisation that I was not cut out to spend my life in a lab was dawning. I found the impersonal nature of the work unsatisfying and, despite all the incredible new discoveries, I found myself disheartened. I had fundamental questions about the nature of being human that genetics could not answer. My way of mitigating this dissatisfaction was to turn to my other love, acting. I joined a Theatre Workshop! This was a bad move from an academic point of view. Soon, me at my Lab bench was about as rare a sight as a cloudless sky is these days in Ireland! I was now in a real dilemma, struggling with myself, stressed and unsure what to do. It seemed like an impossible choice to make to leave science after seven years of work and embark on the perilously insecure life of an actor. I am indebted to one of Ireland’s great playwrights, Frank McGuinness, for the nudge that gave me the courage to take the leap. I heard Frank speak at a conference, at the Dublin Theatre Festival in 1985. He was asked, ‘what was the creative impulse that moved him’, and he said, ‘The absolute necessity to record the beating of the human heart.’ This phrase struck such a cord with me that I gave up science the following day.
Introduction to Yoga
As part of my new life, I resolved to get healthy, as I had lived with quite an amount of stress over the preceding year. I was advised to take up yoga and so I bought Mr. Iyengar’s ‘Light on Yoga’ and tried to do some asana. I started to take the odd Hatha class as I worked on establishing some sort of a career as an actor. A pattern began to emerge whereby I would practice Yoga when I wasn’t working in the Theatre, and when I had a job, I let Yoga slide. The balance was all or nothing, very much at the extreme ends of the See-Saw. (See my post Finding The Balance) It took several years, but by 1992, I was a little more consistent and decided to train as a teacher, thinking it would be a good thing to do when I had longer periods without acting work. The training lasted two years and by 1993 I was teaching my first class. The greatest thing about the course was that it introduced me to the Yoga texts, Patanjali Yoga Sutra, and Bhagavad Gita. I began to realise that there was more to yoga than just a physical practice. I was given a glimpse of the true purpose of Yoga, namely, to reconnect with the deepest aspect of our Being; to let go of everything that causes us to be unhappy; to realise the joy and peace that lies at the heart of all of us, if we allow ourselves to look inside rather than seeking happiness always in external things.
The call of The Spirit
For many years I continued to juggle the two aspects of my life, acting and Yoga. The life of an actor is tough. Long hours of physical and emotional commitment and a tendency to even longer and later hours of, let’s call it, ‘winding down’! I was in it for over 16 years and it takes its toll! I found that I took recourse to Yoga more and more to redress the balance. Then in August 2002, I decided I needed to take time out from the Theatre and dedicate myself to my Yoga practice. I started teaching more, developing from one class to two, then three and four a week. Without intending it at all I found myself becoming a full-time Yoga teacher, and I loved it. Before I knew it, I was running a Yoga School. I didn’t give up acting per se, it just became subsumed by Yoga. Then, in April 2003, teaching a workshop, I met Paula and the rest is history!
So, what is all this about, giving you this potted version of my life story. Well, from my perspective it is about allowing things to flow, even if we are unsure of where and how they are flowing. It is about trusting life, and opening ourselves to freedom, by allowing energy to move. I see the three stages I have gone through as part of a single journey of exploration of what it is to be human. As a scientist I was exploring our physical nature, as an actor, our psychological and emotional nature. Now, I have come to what, for me, is the most rewarding part of the journey so far. The incorporation of our Spiritual nature as humans into daily experience. To paraphrase Frank McGuinness, this is my ‘absolute necessity to record the Unfolding of the human Soul’. I didn’t know it at the outset, but I see it now, and I am so grateful that I didn’t get in my own way!
Through yoga practice everything in life has come to me. My beautiful Paula and Grace, and the love and joy we share. My teachers and their wisdom and guidance. My students and their receptivity, their pushing me to find out more. The daily privilege of teaching this stupendous Yoga. At every step of the way, something unfolded, a teacher appeared to show the way, at just the right time, even though it wasn’t obvious that that was what was happening. Practice makes us receptive, it helps us to surrender fears and let go of the need to ‘know’ everything that is coming. So when you are in doubt as to the future, or regretful of the past, when life, as it always will, throws you yet another curve ball, try not to panic, or cling on, or wish it was different. Do your practice, let go and trust. Let your own journey of exploration unfold itself as the magical mystery tour it is. It is the reason we are alive in the first place; to experience life; to be free.